Embracing Our Inner Hippopotamus

Mountain Bike Ride

The Bread Lad

6th November route

Passing by Glebe Cottage just a the sign was being turned from Closed to Open for the first time in six months, a gratifying sight to us ever hungry cyclists, the thought of diving straight in and being the first customers for the new management did cross our minds but we restrained ourselves and pedalled onward. Another Kildale start, taking the least steep option along the Commondale Road, then up Percy Cross Rigg, just me and The Bread Lad on overcast but mild morning, defying the forecast which prophesied rain all day. We continued down to Sleddale and the gradual ascent of Codhill Heights, recalling the time when, along with The Pensioner, we were caught in a hailstorm of Biblical intensity on this shelterless track, hailstones so ferocious bruises were left on thinly covered skin. As the track levelled out we saw a pair of cyclists coming toward us who turned out to be Ritchie and Barnett, having a fitness ride, sticking to the established gravel tracks  to avoid the mud of the rudimentary, makeshift trails in the woods. If only we had their wisdom.

The first trail in Guisborough Woods, which I think is called Lost World gave us a false sense of security, being damp, leaf-covered but perfectly rideable, it’s companion Lost World West started in the same vein but soon deteriorated into a mud slide. One especially steep section saw me and the bike somehow land on top of a spiked tree stump, bearing more than a passing resemblance to a Viet Cong punji stick, a nasty injury was avoided by my trusty Lumix camera, which did the same job as a World War 2 soldier’s cigarette case stopping a bullet, although the LCD screen on the camera did not survive the impact and now looks like an iphone belonging to someone under 30 who is too cool to use a protective case like us wiser, older, gentlemen. A massive bruise on my thigh has got to be better than a severed femoral artery and The Bread Lad being forced to clamp my groin to stem the bleeding until help arrived.  Who could foretell the consequences of such intimacy?

Continuing on some other unsurfaced tracks led to more unplanned ejections, mud and insufficient technique, not too mention summer tyres, being the culprits, before we decided it would be more sensible to utilise Ritchie and Barnett’s plan and stick to properly consolidated tracks for the remainder of the ride. Well, most of it anyway. We’d almost had enough of embracing our inner hippopotamus, wallowing in the mud. We made our way via fire roads to The Unsuitables, Guisborough Woods now a very different place than it was 12 months ago, swathes of conifers have been harvested, changing the views and destroying some trails forever, although new ones will always take their place. The Unsuitables gets no easier, a long drag to the top of the woods, just so we could hang a right along to the triple downhill of Les’s, the top section of which has been much improved, now featuring some rather splendid bermage. We only rode the top two sections of Les’s, not wanting to lose too much height, then made our way over Roseberry Common where we paused to discuss our options, or rather, decide which way back to Kildale might be the least muddy.

Up the steps to Newton Moor and along to Gribdale, then back to Kildale, seemed the best option, although it  involved another big ascent, up to Captain Cook’s Monument we went for it, making a valiant attempt to ride the last stepped section around the memorial stone, today bedecked with poppies. As usual it ended in failure, the combination of wet, slippy rock, a steep step up and a left turn all served to highlight our inadequacies and we, once again, resorted to pedestrianism. From the monument, we dropped down to Mill Bank Woods and took a pine needle strewn track to Bankside, then a brief bit of tarmac to Glebe Cottage.

The new incarnation of Glebe Cottage, the room has been decluttered a bit making it feel larger; the old climbing pictures have gone, so no longer will I be able to bore people with what Park Nab used to be like before the best bit fell down; the menu is virtually unchanged and a tempting array of cakes is now displayed on a counter; the new folks are friendly and are open to suggestions regarding the menu and any other aspects of the cafe. Some bike security is to be installed and most importantly, nobody seemed  in the least bit fazed by mud-covered men. It was only the first day but everything appeared to be running smoothly and calmly, with no teething troubles. And the food was good.

Pansonic Lumix 2013-2015 R.I.P.