It must be said wringing out 500 words out of bike rides where notable/humorous/embarrassing/painful incidents are in short supply takes some doing without it becoming merely a dull route description hence these portmanteau posts which are mainly a vehicle to slap some photo’s on. Without further ado, here are another four, spread out over a couple of weeks in May.
Selfie Filming on Sutton Bank.
Mountain Bike RIde
For amateur MTB film makers, selfie filming is definitely the way to go, the performer is always in tune with the director’s needs for a particular shot, muttered grumbling when repeating sequences “for the camera” is kept to a minimum and quite often, you get to ride the best bits of trail several times. Which is a regular situation nowadays with biking being usurped by activity of a less-arduous nature for most of our former participants. Today even the hard-core of regular riders who can be relied on to turn out week after week regardless of bad weather and irrespective of domestic harmony were otherwise indisposed, so out came the mini-tripod ready to film some hardcore, “in the flow” action as only us over-fifties are able to demonstrate. The actual ride was a loop from Sutton Bank car park, taking in bits of the waymarked routes plus a venture further afield, through Scawton to Old Byland, taking in Nettledale.
Skinny Tyres With Skinny Boys
Road Bike Ride
For the first time in six months, the road bike was dragged from the back of the shed; looking like something on the back of a ragman’s cart, back wheel a bit buckled, spokes rusty, worn brakes and handlebar tape tattier than a tramp’s underpants, all in an attempt to conform to Chairman Whelan’s warped vision of cycling. Naturally his bike was pristine, having seen less action than Stephen Hawking’s shoes, three other riders bolstered his delusion by turning up with a similar degree of obsessive neatness and minimalism.
The route will have to be largely unreported because, for the majority of it, I had no idea where we could be, only Pateley Bridge, Fountains Abbey and Brimham Rocks were familiar. And Masham, where we passed (passed?) the brewery twice. There were some hills, which is only natural for a Chairman Whelan route, the obesophobics disappeared into the distance on these hills, as I ascended at a more leisurely pace, taking comforting bites from a family-size pork pie in my back pocket to assuage my loneliness. Of course, my superior weight advantage ought to have seen positions reversed on the downhills but the wavy nature of my rear rim precluded tightening the brake caliper, leaving only the front brake to perform speed reduction duty. On the plus side, we did have two cafe stops, mainly to warm up - the weather being unseasonably cold.
Guisborough With The Ginger One.
Mountain Bike Ride
As one of the dwindling band of Terra Trailblazers regulars, The Ginger One is able to escape Darlington and enter the 21st century when he leaves the Victorian anachronism of a hometown behind. Today we had a scrounge about Guisborough Woods, enjoying some of the more interesting downhill tracks and cursing the ascents to reach their starts. A couple of tumbles occurred which show we were trying hard enough, or perhaps we were not hard enough for the tracks. I managed to bin it riding down from The Nipple, when a rut through me into the heather; The Ginger One made a spectacular dismount on a narrow section of the S.O.W.track. The sun was mostly out and the trails were wholly dry, the cafe saw to our calorific replenishment quite adequately and we did not have to use the bike wash. Result.
Lordstones With The Pensioner.
Mountain Bike Ride
A few hours with The Pensioner, taking in his unique outlook on life, a mixture of negativity, despondency and cantankerousness. His aura a black hole sucking in any traces of hope or optimism, every aspect of the ride reviled, from the weather, the ascents, the descents, the puddles to the quality of the post-ride tea and the pouring action of the teapot. And this is when he is enjoying himself. The ride itself was pretty uneventful, a straightforward pedal along The Fronts from Lordstones to Clay Bank, down the (closed) road to Chop Gate, which was enjoyable, back up to Beak Hills to reverse The Fronts and directly to the cafe. Considering it was spitting on to rain as we departed the car park, the weather managed to stay reasonable, even approaching warmth at some points.
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