Sidelined

Do you know what a medial collateral ligament is? No? Neither did I until last Friday afternoon when a perfidious union of wayward bicycle and slippery mud colluded in an attempt at me doing the splits. A resemblance between me and Rudolph Nureyev has never been remarked upon and my tight wearing days are long behind me - as was my left leg, a position no self-respecting gentleman on the verge of middle-age ought to find himself in. A sharp pain to the inside of my left knee took my mind off the ignominy of sliding, walrus-like, down a muddy slope in the rain bemoaning: the weather/lack of skill/sheer stupidity* (*delete as appropriate) of attempting to ride down a forty five degree incline greasier than a kebab shop floor.

Cautiously standing, it came as a surprise to find, other than some curious electric shock type feelings on the inside of my knee and a very slight twinge of pain, I could walk okay and ride a bike just as badly as I ever could. Another six or seven miles later, I was thinking I’d escaped lightly and we piled into the cafe in high spirits, smug to have done a ride despite the weather conditions. Getting up again after sitting for thirty or forty minutes, things seemed to have stiffened up a lot and I stomped around the cafe like Long John Silver after he has stood on some Lego. 

In the car, driving was pain-free, reaching home I was able to do the all important bike wash, before a stint in the kitchen. The seriousness of the injury only became apparent after a post-prandial lounge, when standing and walking reverted to cafe standards, clomping about as though piloting an invisible Zimmer frame. Oddly enough, things became easier after a few minutes of walking about, although still painful. Time for a conversation with my (barely) tame sports therapist, a long distance conversation while she enjoys some eastern European culture. Or possibly probably clubbing all night and sleeping all day. 

“Oh yes” she said “You’ve strained your MCL, it’ll really hurt in the morning.” Well, thanks for that darling daughter, you might want to work on your bedside manner a tadge. Something for me to look forward to then. The concept of collateral ligaments is not unknown to someone who has spent over thirty years as a rock climber, they are those annoying little things that go twang whenever a stray finger is loaded sideways. The knee variety are no different, merely thicker which helps stop your legs resembling a marionette which has been kicked down a flight of stairs in a fit of drunken rage when the puppeteer realises it is only a wooden doll and never really loved him. And mine was stretched but apparently still attached to all the bits it should be attached to and my knee wasn’t giving way, so I ought to be fine in a few weeks. A few what? In just over a week I have to ride a cyclocross bike up and around some fairly huge lumps of earth and rock in the beauty and tranquility of the English Lake District. With about seven hundred other cyclists. A few days rest ought to see me okay. 

Here is the regime I’ve been using - for anyone interested. Firstly, ice, for the first two days, twenty minutes every hour or two, this made a real difference, visibly reducing the swelling. After two days, use ice again after any exercise. Ibuprofen gel four times a day, we have a roll on variety, which is better at penetrating the skin because of the ball. Sitting normally, with the knee bent is the least painful but unfortunately not the ideal way to aid recovery. Be cautious standing up and beware of any twisting movements, save the tango for later and no squatting, which means the slut drops on the dance floor must be curtailed for a while. Once the injury has settled, the leg needs to be kept straight, walking is good but while resting keep the leg out straight, feet up on a table sort of style - fortunately, forty years as a process operator gave me a thorough grounding in this technique. Rehabilitation exercises are mainly straightening the leg and pushing the knee backwards, while clenching your quads. There are plenty of videos on the net. It is important to stick with the exercises, even when the injury seems better because once a ligament has been stretched it becomes weaker, think slacker, and more prone to failure. (Additional input from Becky Lavelle Sports Therapy)

And here we are one week later, I’ve tried a gentle ride on the CX bike and it was a lot easier on the knee than walking, although fully straightening the leg still causes pain, so I may not be getting the maximum power in my pedal stroke. Seeing as everyone else on Sunday will be either younger and/or fitter than me, it hardly matters.