Snazzle Badger Monday

Met up with The Breadlad and Simon T. on the Hutton Village road, surprised them with an easy start, along the old rail track to Slapewath for a play in the woods, we were soon sailing off the jumps like gravity was a concept invented to keep ordinary mortals earthbound. Or maybe not - but God loves a trier. After a couple of successfully wasted hours, we rode back to Guisborough Woods, where Simon T. departed, rushing home to be in the arms of his beloved. Me and The Breadlad headed for our beloved - cafe - to get on the outside of a couple of toasties but not before we’d taken in a couple more trails, including the aforementioned Snazle Badger (sic). Seeing as we’d spent so much time in the woods it was quite a late finish, turning winter cold and dusky by the time we were back at the cars.

Elder Abuse

Almost a Christmas Dinner Ride sized crew out today, Howard, Simon T, Miles and Bingo Bob, three fast boys, an ebiker and the fat old gadgie at the back. It’s not even as though I’m documentary fat, the chances of me being on Panorama, laid on a reinforced bed while an endless stream of Deliveroo drivers keep me supplied with pizza and kebabs, is slim but that’s how I felt today. In some cultures I’d probably be considered anorexic, say Polynesia or the bar of most working men's clubs. Four backs disappearing into the distance while I struggle along like poor Tiny Tim Cratchit. And was there any concession for this victim of the abuse wrought by Guinness and pies? Of course not. We were introducing Miles and Bingo Bob to Hamsterley Hotlap 2.1, a minor variation on Hotlap 2.0, which should enable them to enjoy Hamsterley without enduring the purgatory of the official red route, which appears to have been designed to save wear and tear on the trails by ensuring people never want to return. Here is the route for those who haven’t been paying attention to previous blogs. Section 13, Boneshaker, Special K, Brainfreeze, Pikes Teeth, Route 666 (if you can be bothered) Oddsox, Two Wheels And Trolls, Polties Last Blast, K Line, Transmission, Accelerator, Nitrous. And that’s it, 13 trails in the bag and a nice flat tarmac road back to the cafe. Unless you’re with a bunch for whom abusing the elderly is a way of life and they suddenly turn off onto the Grove Link for one extra hill. They did miss out the Skills Loop though, probably too tired from their testosterone-fuelled, race-pace rampage, whereas I could have went round again - said the lying tortoise to the perspiring hares.

A Bit Sloppy Round The Rim

Just me and The Breadlad today, at a bright but chilly Clay Bank, The Breadlad arriving as is customary, a fashionable fifteen minutes late, giving me time to fail dismally once again at Popmaster on Radio 2. Most of the questions are about people I have never even heard of. All these new bands like The Foo Fighters and Destiny’s Child, whoever Destiny’s Child might be. A quick route planning meeting occurred, taking into account the environmental variables, me being abused by young people yesterday and how many hills we could swerve and still class ourselves as mountain bikers. A rough plan was formed and we began the push/ride/carry up Carr Ridge and onto Urra Moor. The edge of Urra Moor, overlooking Bilsdale, is known to one and all as the The Rim, even though it is actually a Scheduled Monument, protected by law; a prehistoric linear boundary in the form of a dyke, gets a bit sloppy in winter, so we thought we’d give it a last go everything turns to clag. We might have left it a bit late, that’s all I’m saying. From the junction at Medd Crag a tailwind pushed us up the wide track to Round Hill, we carried on to Cockayne Heads and took another track, emerging at a junction above the Badger Stone. It was a little exposed to the cold wind up on the tops but the scenery and blue sky made up for it. We made our way into Bloworth Woods, one of The Breadlad’s favourite places on the moors - mainly because he once found a twenty quid note, spotting it before The Pensioner, whose legendary poor eyesight was known to improve when free currency was involved. We climbed out of the woods onto Rudland Rigg, that curious North York Moors anomaly which is always uphill no matter which direction you ride it. Our next stop was a blowy Bloworth Crossing, recent erosion making some of the original crossing timbers visible again and pedaled back to Round Hill and a grand descent on the paved bridleway, almost all the way back to the Carr Ridge Steps, dropping down an alternative finish which culminates on a fire road descent known on Strava as Dusters. Not even slightly dusty today, the soil damp from now until May probably, an interesting gully has begun to snake its way across the track though, deep enough to trap an unwary wheel in parts, which makes for a more exciting finish.

The Calm Before The Storm

There was a storm predicted to be heading our way, so we met up at Gribdale, maximum fun for minimum mileage, just Miles and Simon T. joined me today as everyone must have been battening down the hatches. We whizzed up the fire road to Captain Cook’s Monument - whizzed, of course, being a relative term. The wind was already beginning to pick up, battering the exposed monument, we didn’t hang around, heading straight back down the hill, using the track known as Down The Wall before making our way to the far end of Gribdale. Another hideous climb got us onto Percy Cross Rigg, which we followed to enter Guisborough Woods at the top of the Unsuitables. Beginning with The Secret Path, we worked our way down through the forest, taking in as many tracks as we could with the minimum of climbing and a grand time was had by all until we realised a big hill stood between us and Gribdale and calmed ourselves down a bit before we reached the bottom of the forest. Muddied but undaunted, we made our weary way back onto Newton Moor, dropping back to Gribdale via Fingerbender Bank and Andy’s Track (our names - I’m sure they are called something else on Strava). We made it back to our cars before the full force of Storm Arwen wreaked havoc on the country. And wreak havoc it did, roofers and tree surgeons will be rubbing their (cash in) hands together for months to come.